I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
