1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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