this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
