Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
