reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
