Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
