ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
