Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
