We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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