Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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