They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
