addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want a musical about memes.
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