I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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