I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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