We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
