Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
