i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
