plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
