i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
