Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
