Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
