we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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