My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
