I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
