o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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