When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
