I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
