Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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