babies were throwing up all over the place
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
