I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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