this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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