remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize