The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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