Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
