nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
