i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm both gender and math confused
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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