I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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