So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
