$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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