butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
