I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
