You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize