when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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