Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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