i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
pop tarts are not kleenex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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