So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
