No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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