I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
