I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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