Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
