Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
