was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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