But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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