I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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