First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
