Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize