You work out of a Hotel?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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