i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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