We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
