At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize