we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
