Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
