fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
