I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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