he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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