I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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