Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
