Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize