i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
