Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
